How Are You Doing, Really? A Post Covid Check-in
So, Covid sucked for a million reasons. But hey, we're getting back to normal, right?!
Not exactly.
We've put away the masks about 85% of the time. We're traveling again. We go to the movies and out to dinner. We've been to parties. We're meeting our Zoom friends in person, sometimes for the first time.
But something feels different from our life back in 2019.
Friends, you are not alone.
I've been talking to clients, friends, conference attendees, other coaches, and family, and I'm hearing some startling themes.
Our partners are different than when we met them.
Our party friends would rather do Sunday brunch than Friday night margaritas.
Our family members have decided they need separation from their loved ones.
Our jobs aren't worth the toll on our mental health.
We don't remember how to have fun anymore.
We are afraid to be joyful because it might go away.
We don't have energy.
We aren't having sex.
Our junior high social anxiety is waving hello again.
We don't know how to jump back into, or start, a new life.
What’s crazy is most of us don’t realize that others are feeling the same things. It feels so long since 2019 that we think this is the natural course of life. Maybe we even blame getting older.
This is not normal. And that's the best news.
Think about it. If you realize that these uncomfortable feelings came from having your world turned upside down, you don't have to "blame" yourself. Or accept that this is just the way it must be.
Human beings are amazingly resilient. We can make sense of the most senseless things, especially if we see them regularly. We made Covid normal. We made not touching each other normal. We made homeschooling while working while training a new puppy while cooking every meal, normal.
My son worked in the restaurant industry and was laid off during Covid. He tells me no one wants to go back because the conditions he and others worked in were awful. Now, with time and the perspective to see it, he wants a saner life. He finished school and went to work in a 9-to-5 trade that he's proud of. At 20 years old he has a matching 401k and benefits. He never would have seen that in a kitchen.
The “gift” of Covid was the space to see what is working in our life and what isn’t. That might be important relationships. Or an unfulfilling job. Or going out all the time or saying yes to too many things. In some ways, it means we are taking better care of ourselves.
But it also means we fell out of practice with just leaving the house and being social. We spent all our time in our homes with the same people. It was so easy to put on soft pants and watch TV, that we didn't put as much effort into these relationships.
It's time to think about where we are and where we'd like to be. If our lives were rarely questioned before, we now have the chance to see it’s possible to make meaningful change. The first, and most impactful, way to do this is to become aware of where we are.
The following questions will help you take stock of your life.
What are you grateful for?
What is making you excited?
What IS working: in your relationships, in your job, in your body, in your head, in your communities, in any area of life that's important to you?
What IS NOT working: in your relationships, in your job, in your body, in your head, in your communities, in any area of life that's important to you?
What do you miss from pre-pandemic life?
What difficult conversation do you know you need to have but haven’t? Why are you avoiding it?
Are you giving more than is healthy? Are you not giving enough?
How often do you make an effort in your appearance? Why?
When was the last time you had fun? Laughed?
If you could make one change now, today, or this week, what would it be? Why that thing?
Spend as much time as you need to come up with your answers. Do this on your own and be very honest with yourself. It's the only way.
After you have your answers, find a loved one with whom you can be vulnerable and discuss it. You might get insights into who you were before and what has changed about you. If you have a partner and they are up for it, this can help you recharge things in your relationship.
Becoming self-aware can be really scary. You have to look at things you don't feel great about. I promise you, the more you do it the easier it gets. It's like cleaning out your closets. You dread it for ages then you block an afternoon to do it. You pull everything out, and for a time it's a far worse disaster than before you started. You throw out what doesn't work. You give away stuff that will help others. Then you put back in the closet what you love in tidy order. You feel accomplished and proud of the job at the end.
The awareness you allow yourself is powerful. Taking action on the heavy lift can change everything. If you need support in creating something more intentional, purposeful, and fulfilling, I am here to help.
