There are two teenagers in our home. One is freshly out of high school and the other is a Sophomore. Yesterday my partner looked at me and said, “It feels weird to be a visiting character in his movie. He was in my movie for 15 years and now I realize he has his own movie. I get to play a part sometimes but mostly he’s off living his own plotline.” As a step-mom, I wasn’t in his movie until he was 10. He was fully formed and has awesome parents. He was a visitor to my movie.

Then I thought about my teenager.

We were in our own movie, just the two of us, for over 10 years. We had a strong storyline. Friends and neighbors came and went but we were a fierce narrative of “just us against the world”. Joining someone else’s story was something we both did with open hearts but the rewriting was a labor of love.

I regularly forget that my son has his own movie to play out. I don’t get to write his plot. Every time I try, he sharply reminds me that I’m needed on my own set. When I get worked up that my son isn’t following the plot that most teens his age are, my partner gently reminds me that it’s not my movie.

Now, my partner and I are writing a movie script together. We have loads of bit players, many sidekicks, and teens who are changing their roles every day. We both have backstories that are wildly different and make our new story so much richer.

I’m still gonna need that reminder sometimes to stay out of my boy’s damn movie. If I can remember to stay in my own movie I think we might actually survive.